random thoughts

random thought patterns
candles in jack o lanterns
the light that i posses can be seen down dark caverns
the cave that im sitting, the trap, hole, or forgotten city
paradise lost and found at what cost, my teeth chipping
newspaper clippings, nada FIN victory just obituaries
dro vapor and sniffing, coladapin ministry, time solitary
pacin back and forth from corner to corner
the coroner zips body bags till im a morner
tears in the black of night
morning a transformer
starscream the sky gridlock grill from gringa employer
implode till explode, intraverted till im murdered
episodes wit scally hoez, HBO dna dumpster wit wordsah
pain and anguish some memories that never left
prostitutes beat with extension cords and burned to death
but thats spoke by destiny
she utteed the recipe
so bud-DUH studduh in the guttuh with a F'in geek
i remember in highschool sellin dope with no adversity
bangin out cheerleaders, they loved a dope boy celebrity
never had a big head and dough never got the best of me
havin preppy girls drive me to re-up in daddy's mercedes
i never felt depression always said it was a weakness of the mind
until my agression led to regression and i lost a friend of mine
time after time and line after line,
waks and raps push me foward till i decline
in my mind there is not turning back
if i backtrack id retract all my knowledge on rap
and im better than that
i cant ever give up
gotta produce more tracks
and stay not givin a fuk
im livin it up, but that produces no substancail gain
rubbin on puta's but but never feelin love for these dames
my last relashionship ended, she said no emotion in this souljah
i pour my soul relentless into k-hole and my corazon stone like a bouldah
so much loss has turned my heart into urainium coated coal
and i gotta be the BOSS so im concentratin on my goals
alot of promises i made to take everyone to the pinacle
and all the hardships ive blazed have made me o so sinacle
trust is so very far out of my grasp
lust for few things but 1st of it be cash
workin since carlito was diaz anos
a jit in cuban resteraunt cleanin up banos
sold dope for close too a decade
crossings lake i tossed and AK
a 22, 2 38s and my boy even capped a grenade
fought every fight ive been involved
had barrels in my mouth and thank PAC they never revolved
C dot could go on for days writin bout his triumph and regret
but i think i should boot up protools and work toward the next step

comment on NICKDUP's Myspace

nick'd up
when i was ur age i aint give a fuk
so what
what dey say, when i speak of such
such a time, careless mind wit a lil luck
back n forth from pounds to dimes, until the paddy truck
actually a paddy wagon, DCJ no belt wit my pants saggin
released n im back baggin
hoes, dro, baige blow that was cooked to crack in
my short life ive seen my boys turn to ghosts
from crack and boy addiction and overdose
cancer gunshots from headbangers over dope
im over most
quarrels i been involved
but most not solved
need nada dirty 38 to barrel revolve
its like a sequel guns legal but im not absolved
some dudes ive robbed still wanna see my soul disolve
im all ate up but never pookied out
weeks ive stayed up popin rufies in girly mouf
but my life aint one to be followed
run wit guns knives but forgot from pills ive swallowed
n now i wallow in the sins ive committed
chuggin scotch outta the bottle while karma gots me finished
i dun robbed, cheated, stole and lie
but still my dog, he be rollin on my side
till the day im gone spenjax will be my guardian
put his name on my arm and he wants me to cease the partyin
but off of the tangent, ill never be dun with the bangin
cuz since ten i was raised by thugs who only cared bout man'in
up and holdin ur head high, respect n power
fuck backin out a fight, throw ur set never coward
my homeboys might squable but we dont fall down
pacs words, somewhat absurd cuz i dun hit the ground
but i always fought till i was knocked out or crackers came
but reguardless i dun fought my battles so DADE respect my name
call me c dot, charli Bud-DUH, ceebee beezee or Charli Bing
at the grove spot, i sparked a jack boy easy for my ring
cuz over my dead body u take my dub g dads shit
ull never take it off my fist
but im off topic again
back to the facts
i done some preliminary work on that new dirt track
and i was gonna use ur hook but wrote one of my own
and with ur permission i lay it down, this how i goes

All i do is ax god why
why the good die young
my momma gotta cry
when im locked down in jail
and the bail is hard to find
why my homie sleep in OT
with hard on his mind

All i do is ax god why
u gave my brother cancer
and chose for him to die
stare at the sky for answers
wit tears in my eyes
and im angered cuz reason hard 2 find

nadating

nada ting
Current mood: breezy
Category: Writing and Poetry

nada ting mikingbing puditing and devil strings
gotta bring, lyrics sing, preceeding bang! metal rings
blackaou!
mindstate in a blackout
bud-DUH might seem repressed but theres no turning back now
from the day it was established i knew k-hole would live on
on my arm k-rock logo its tatted until im dead n gone
am i head strong or dead wrong from turnin my dream of fame
into my lifes goal of makin the world respect the name
of SPEN seven eight
homie gazin from heavens gates
im sure he admitted but if not he gots time 2 wait
the other day me, our brother and moms busted open crates
i finally capped all the gear created by my team mate
PhatNicks apparel, i got my first shirt when SPEN and i met
When brother SPEN JAXSUN got sick i admit i wept
short time later PhatNicks logo on my tricept
and still i get
teary eyed when i think that i miss him
fury rise when i think somebody diss em
arisen, a feelin in me so noble and pure
A bond i never felt, two brothers that can endure
just about any devastation, addiction or incarceration
any infliction, pussy hatin, affliction, dark revelation
steady pacin, in my four cornered domain
see my face in the mirror and my eyes be full of flame
rain, slain, membrain insane, dopamine claimed
by substances that allow me to erradicate some pain

but really im copestedik and my mental state stable
i need no apathedicks or pity parties around my table
i never need no shoulder to cry on
got niggas putin up SPENs name in krylon
and a family i built that only shake with right arm
choking on oxygen like im wrapped in pythons
confused about my path but miami streets ill die on

i know im a gringo slash italiano
fuck u sapingo u aint miermano
when i give u mi mano
i offer my quireda
u aint speakin truth
tu habla mucha mierda
in italian statzazita and bafangu
mean shut yo god dam trap and fuk u
in zoo they call C krack daddy on 8th el pingu
i dont have any blood family so i cherish my whole krew

K-HOLE till the day i die

nada

i dun lost everything close 2 me
and as far as hoes to me
not a single one who could know who i be
im a fuked up dude with a heart made of cancer
my best friend in the world gone, and answers?
no where to be visioned
its like im imprisoned
in a cage i made of my own goals and ambitions
so i sit alone at night, tryin to build my way out
incorporating companies copyrighting lyrics out my mouth
but what the point and my light in the tunnel
nothing left to enjoy but fights and habits i juggle
i sit in the rubble of the empire i tried to build
but after brother left the planet im solo with the skills
so the burden to build it on my lonely crushes my backbone
but i promised my homie i would make spenjax known
not a dam soul cares, its like we 2 nomadic arctic dwellers
his body aint here, but he watchin me thru my endevors
i cant ever be happy, filled with joy or at least content
my hands on the mackie

FUCK IT
i dont give a god dam
FUCK ALL YALL

fuck the world
ill scream it from the rooftops
teardrops from breakdancing or painful thoughts
i only cried a few times the past 20 years
when i sold my boy dope
my moms stroke
n when spen disappeared

no emotion left in me
i guess my heart colored black n ruff
i might as well get cancer
my mantra
i dont give a fuck

if i pass who will attend my wake
i know a good few will show the face
but most be fake
will anyone take my music and carry on my lifes mission
or will my passion die in a desolate room with to fruition
if i pass will anyone make spen famous
im doubtful and the thoughts make me feel dangerous
FUCK U ALL
IM NEVER WRONG -SPEN
IM ALWAYS RIGHT - C.B.