sick thoughts from a polluted mind

tis is the devils hour
midnight im in the shower
works tight if u need powder
money right, nada coward

mix in the treble louder
but make the mids decrease
like pac in eddie bawuer
i rock designer briefs

and i love dem haters sour
cause they confirm im elevatin
in my mind i hold the power
to pave the road, my affiliation

we throw our K's up and devour
any fugazzi yap out side of neck
in M.I.A. we stay empowered
they call us krazy, yet we rep our set

to the fullest, trigguh pull dis, we do dis until we hit the sky
we ruthless, leave u toothless, pudi move dis, get rich and die
battle raps that rattle cats, fraggle kracks we spit em out
we mangle rats, entangle traps, strangle jacks that new to souf

when i spit on track, i dont write crap, i flow str8 outta my cerebrum
gun blak, dubz fat, lungs collapse, but k-hole breathin
tis the season, seasons beatings, i stay reading poem, soliloquies
i stay grieving, dead homies bleeding, tattoo tears, dont know my enemies

im blitzed n, reminissin, fuk em diss em, never kissem
imprinted in the system so finger prints steady missin
gotta topic, gotta swap it, gotta glock, cauk it toss it
knot in pocket, not gon flaunt it, spit rock, krack i spawn it

gotta product girly got it, my dime stash mah pills
when the coppah finna stop us, k-9 , its nos-trills
dont work, cuz charli work up her skirt and dats k-hole
dogs cant sniff thru vasoline, coffe beans, water, bollo

i stay flowin, where im goin, its a road less traveled
never seen it snowin, but snowflake blowin, fiends unraveled
i play all angles and eat bitches brains for sustenance
in my web they tangled, see tricks is just thangs wit musty scent

and im reluctant, to put trust into any individual
my love is spent, my heart is black coated with anger residuals
subliminals, pussy niggas throw out disses that way
want beef ill meet u in the octagon, ill mma any day

i gots to go, gots to work, wake a 7 in the A.M.
make mohitos 4 hoes, converse with jerks, pretend to care what they sayin
just cuz im askin whats ur poison dont mean i wanna hear ur problems
i gots my own, plus u annoyin, what makes u think i can solve em

ima leave u with one last work, 5 words, one last revalation
one last statement to take to a new elevation or emancipation
a phrase that SPENJAX lived every day of his life's mission statement
the realest shit he ever wrote, "My Sickness is Your Justification"

random thoughts

random thought patterns
candles in jack o lanterns
the light that i posses can be seen down dark caverns
the cave that im sitting, the trap, hole, or forgotten city
paradise lost and found at what cost, my teeth chipping
newspaper clippings, nada FIN victory just obituaries
dro vapor and sniffing, coladapin ministry, time solitary
pacin back and forth from corner to corner
the coroner zips body bags till im a morner
tears in the black of night
morning a transformer
starscream the sky gridlock grill from gringa employer
implode till explode, intraverted till im murdered
episodes wit scally hoez, HBO dna dumpster wit wordsah
pain and anguish some memories that never left
prostitutes beat with extension cords and burned to death
but thats spoke by destiny
she utteed the recipe
so bud-DUH studduh in the guttuh with a F'in geek
i remember in highschool sellin dope with no adversity
bangin out cheerleaders, they loved a dope boy celebrity
never had a big head and dough never got the best of me
havin preppy girls drive me to re-up in daddy's mercedes
i never felt depression always said it was a weakness of the mind
until my agression led to regression and i lost a friend of mine
time after time and line after line,
waks and raps push me foward till i decline
in my mind there is not turning back
if i backtrack id retract all my knowledge on rap
and im better than that
i cant ever give up
gotta produce more tracks
and stay not givin a fuk
im livin it up, but that produces no substancail gain
rubbin on puta's but but never feelin love for these dames
my last relashionship ended, she said no emotion in this souljah
i pour my soul relentless into k-hole and my corazon stone like a bouldah
so much loss has turned my heart into urainium coated coal
and i gotta be the BOSS so im concentratin on my goals
alot of promises i made to take everyone to the pinacle
and all the hardships ive blazed have made me o so sinacle
trust is so very far out of my grasp
lust for few things but 1st of it be cash
workin since carlito was diaz anos
a jit in cuban resteraunt cleanin up banos
sold dope for close too a decade
crossings lake i tossed and AK
a 22, 2 38s and my boy even capped a grenade
fought every fight ive been involved
had barrels in my mouth and thank PAC they never revolved
C dot could go on for days writin bout his triumph and regret
but i think i should boot up protools and work toward the next step

comment on NICKDUP's Myspace

nick'd up
when i was ur age i aint give a fuk
so what
what dey say, when i speak of such
such a time, careless mind wit a lil luck
back n forth from pounds to dimes, until the paddy truck
actually a paddy wagon, DCJ no belt wit my pants saggin
released n im back baggin
hoes, dro, baige blow that was cooked to crack in
my short life ive seen my boys turn to ghosts
from crack and boy addiction and overdose
cancer gunshots from headbangers over dope
im over most
quarrels i been involved
but most not solved
need nada dirty 38 to barrel revolve
its like a sequel guns legal but im not absolved
some dudes ive robbed still wanna see my soul disolve
im all ate up but never pookied out
weeks ive stayed up popin rufies in girly mouf
but my life aint one to be followed
run wit guns knives but forgot from pills ive swallowed
n now i wallow in the sins ive committed
chuggin scotch outta the bottle while karma gots me finished
i dun robbed, cheated, stole and lie
but still my dog, he be rollin on my side
till the day im gone spenjax will be my guardian
put his name on my arm and he wants me to cease the partyin
but off of the tangent, ill never be dun with the bangin
cuz since ten i was raised by thugs who only cared bout man'in
up and holdin ur head high, respect n power
fuck backin out a fight, throw ur set never coward
my homeboys might squable but we dont fall down
pacs words, somewhat absurd cuz i dun hit the ground
but i always fought till i was knocked out or crackers came
but reguardless i dun fought my battles so DADE respect my name
call me c dot, charli Bud-DUH, ceebee beezee or Charli Bing
at the grove spot, i sparked a jack boy easy for my ring
cuz over my dead body u take my dub g dads shit
ull never take it off my fist
but im off topic again
back to the facts
i done some preliminary work on that new dirt track
and i was gonna use ur hook but wrote one of my own
and with ur permission i lay it down, this how i goes

All i do is ax god why
why the good die young
my momma gotta cry
when im locked down in jail
and the bail is hard to find
why my homie sleep in OT
with hard on his mind

All i do is ax god why
u gave my brother cancer
and chose for him to die
stare at the sky for answers
wit tears in my eyes
and im angered cuz reason hard 2 find

nadating

nada ting
Current mood: breezy
Category: Writing and Poetry

nada ting mikingbing puditing and devil strings
gotta bring, lyrics sing, preceeding bang! metal rings
blackaou!
mindstate in a blackout
bud-DUH might seem repressed but theres no turning back now
from the day it was established i knew k-hole would live on
on my arm k-rock logo its tatted until im dead n gone
am i head strong or dead wrong from turnin my dream of fame
into my lifes goal of makin the world respect the name
of SPEN seven eight
homie gazin from heavens gates
im sure he admitted but if not he gots time 2 wait
the other day me, our brother and moms busted open crates
i finally capped all the gear created by my team mate
PhatNicks apparel, i got my first shirt when SPEN and i met
When brother SPEN JAXSUN got sick i admit i wept
short time later PhatNicks logo on my tricept
and still i get
teary eyed when i think that i miss him
fury rise when i think somebody diss em
arisen, a feelin in me so noble and pure
A bond i never felt, two brothers that can endure
just about any devastation, addiction or incarceration
any infliction, pussy hatin, affliction, dark revelation
steady pacin, in my four cornered domain
see my face in the mirror and my eyes be full of flame
rain, slain, membrain insane, dopamine claimed
by substances that allow me to erradicate some pain

but really im copestedik and my mental state stable
i need no apathedicks or pity parties around my table
i never need no shoulder to cry on
got niggas putin up SPENs name in krylon
and a family i built that only shake with right arm
choking on oxygen like im wrapped in pythons
confused about my path but miami streets ill die on

i know im a gringo slash italiano
fuck u sapingo u aint miermano
when i give u mi mano
i offer my quireda
u aint speakin truth
tu habla mucha mierda
in italian statzazita and bafangu
mean shut yo god dam trap and fuk u
in zoo they call C krack daddy on 8th el pingu
i dont have any blood family so i cherish my whole krew

K-HOLE till the day i die

nada

i dun lost everything close 2 me
and as far as hoes to me
not a single one who could know who i be
im a fuked up dude with a heart made of cancer
my best friend in the world gone, and answers?
no where to be visioned
its like im imprisoned
in a cage i made of my own goals and ambitions
so i sit alone at night, tryin to build my way out
incorporating companies copyrighting lyrics out my mouth
but what the point and my light in the tunnel
nothing left to enjoy but fights and habits i juggle
i sit in the rubble of the empire i tried to build
but after brother left the planet im solo with the skills
so the burden to build it on my lonely crushes my backbone
but i promised my homie i would make spenjax known
not a dam soul cares, its like we 2 nomadic arctic dwellers
his body aint here, but he watchin me thru my endevors
i cant ever be happy, filled with joy or at least content
my hands on the mackie

FUCK IT
i dont give a god dam
FUCK ALL YALL

fuck the world
ill scream it from the rooftops
teardrops from breakdancing or painful thoughts
i only cried a few times the past 20 years
when i sold my boy dope
my moms stroke
n when spen disappeared

no emotion left in me
i guess my heart colored black n ruff
i might as well get cancer
my mantra
i dont give a fuck

if i pass who will attend my wake
i know a good few will show the face
but most be fake
will anyone take my music and carry on my lifes mission
or will my passion die in a desolate room with to fruition
if i pass will anyone make spen famous
im doubtful and the thoughts make me feel dangerous
FUCK U ALL
IM NEVER WRONG -SPEN
IM ALWAYS RIGHT - C.B.

A Day in a Night (out SPEN)

a day in a night (SPEN)
Current mood: knighted
Category: reminissin on SPEN Music

A DAY IN A NIGHT
bud-DUH SPEN ak maCK the Knife
sippin sizzurp both kid serve workin wit da white

A DAY IN A NIGHT
in the studio producing til sun shine bright
paint brush inducing trill seducing the canvas plight

A DAY IN A NIGHT
me and my brother SPEN spent and swiggin liquor light
just kickin dreamz and ambitions packed pipe pass the light

A DAY IN A NIGHT
studio stir crazy so whip pushin 80 red lights
rude to hoe fuggazzi, DNA dumpster and she in our sights

A DAY IN A NIGHT
from a scally puta spot to a residence of scallywag
all they want is a pellybag amtrack in they belly back

A DAY IN A NIGHT
our lives aint right, karma finna catch up, but we gots to fight
stop slangin to parents, kids wit merit, cut off at 4 grams a night

A DAY IN A NIGHT
jot rhymes for hours, clean the ruger,
sniff powduh, and SPEN paints the future
rutah mentary SPEN sent to me to be a strait shooter,
and i put that on my momma, aight

A DAY IN A NIGHT
prophesy-sing our future destiny and how it gonna come to fruition
dark days came anger pain got the best of me
strangle my brain over SPEN condition
god bless that G
he will never see perdition

A DAY DARK AS NIGHT
SPEN gone, so i hold his memory tight
i watch our videos and listen to our trax and it never trite

A DAY DARK AS NIGHT
in my car parked, i got a blunt to FIrE
the photo on my dash make a nigga wanna cry
know he dont want dat, i look up at sky
i see him lookin down and i know that he filled up with pride

A DAY DARK AS NIGHT
im sittin twitchin tainted vision sun arise in twilight
n i envision SPENism painted this percision to surmise forthright
his apprise to say im right in my plan i devised
to make his dvd, album, website and keep his name alive

A DAY DARK AS NIGHT
dark cloud cant be eternity
im proud and ima earn our piece
ALONE no one concerned bout B
my closest road dog SPEN
i know he rest in piece
when i pick up my pen
my rhymes, SPEN proofreadin these
my brother and my best friend
i finna KEEP UR NAME ON THE STREETS!

A DAY DARK TURNS TO LIGHT
i love you mothafukah
and i say it with so much certainty
we would do anything for each other
homicide or bank burglaries
U pulled out blades for Bud-DUH
and dam skippy id do it 4 u
u the closest i had to a brother
we METRO MOVERS dude!

A DAY IN A NIGHT
not a day pass me by that i dont recollect
u and me was always high but our mindstate str8 correct
oil paint, condenser mics, movin weight, cashin checks
u somthin like a saint, ur demise, show god a clepto
theft
a genius, a prophet, a good friend, he would surely take
im not as good as u, but; ill see u at the pearly gates
i know u were throwin up the K till ur soul was shrouded
and ill be doin the same on my final hour

k 2 the day

k to the day
reversed in da logo cuz
our lives wasted away
bud-duh stay smokin bud
wasted all day
off well known miami cryp
as a jitterbug
i was on my way
to dat blue flag click
but i walked out with a couple older souljahs
when they was rushed by red and da faction threw no shouldahs
dey just watched
at 15 i handled glocks
time n time again until the beef stopped
and tupac he used to sang to me
had me feelin thuglife was the gang for me
so i just flossed wit parkhill
tossed my gold grill
dressed like a prep
on the corner where i dealed
threw my set in every battle i was billed
so many black eyes teach ax me if my parents beat me still
i train vale tudo, brazilian style ufc
my brain transfixed on pudo, cash millions, and cappin p's
from an ozer to a Q to a P of weed
to and O of some blow, jackin a tripple beam
from highschool class, rob a back pack
AP students stupid where they stash cash at
i was a bad kid but raised the right way
karma krept up eventho i never sold boofaley
or yae to those in my inner circle
when my fam smoked crack i violated dem till face was purple
but now im smarter and stronger as well
Dade County Jail be the bottom of hell
TGK institution is like a 4 star hotel
but they got dem same boloney samiches
and jungle juice
Ringin any bells?
blackeyed peas, mystery meat called salisbury steak
but, god dam, institution bread puddin got some taste
my homeboy got checkers needled into his arm
in bradington sayin k-hole so he fam till he gone
but whateva timbo i might rambling too much
but keep me informed on ur standin n keep in touch

charli bud-duh
el jefe de khole
ceo ecks-O-dust industries

bleedin in my mind

bleedin in my mind

the pain the anger

the excuse the danger

the caine the mangler

let loose the banger

menality frustrated got my thoughts in a knot

humanity devastated n i ggive a fuck-not

fuck less much stress my cerebellum dwellin

none the less depressed minds messd n swellin

like a tumor to bring doom tuh medulla and halt my life

if a ruge-uh put me in the tomb tha soul enclosed follow the light

what would the obituary write

a producer poet who lost his fight

a man with a plan, life's fight clouded sight

aight

fuk it

i understand im just a crab ass crackuh stuck in bucket

some call it a pail i call it my plumet